The other day as I was meditating and spending time with the Lord, He revealed to me that I was walking around the same mountain over and over again in a wilderness. He told me that once I turn my dependence solely to Him in this “area,” I will then be able to go into the promise land and be delivered. In my mind I saw picture of myself going in circles around the base of this mountain. I kept coming to a point where I could see into the promise land (catch a glimpse of it), but then I would continue around the mountain like on an amusement park ride. It looked and felt like I had no control over where I was going, my eyes were fixed on the promise land and my heart yearned to go into it, but soon it was only a fading scene in the distance behind me as I rounded the mountain again. It is obvious now, at least to me, that I am not learning something I should have learned a LONG time ago (hence, the going in circles until I get it). He has really been working on/speaking to me about putting Him first in ALL things and at all times. Is this my “lesson” and “area” or is this the key I need to learn it?
The following day after the mountain revelation, the Lord showed me that I was eating unconsciously/without thought and that this was an attempt to fill a void inside me. (Everyone has a void that must be filled…keep reading to see what/Who should fill the void in our heart and lives.) Each time I begin a new “pressing in” period with the Lord, my diet and exercise and overall health routine fall into place. But then life gets busy or I get sick and/or worn-out and I start to cut my quiet devotion time with the Lord shorter, until eventually I cut it out all together some days (“no time”) – this is when I begin to try and backfill the void or emptiness I feel with food.
I begin to “feel” the Lord calling me back and I try to get-up early enough to spend some quality devotional time with Him (and I fail). Each time I fail to get-up in the morning, the enemy uses it to create guilt and condemnation inside of me. The more guilt I feel, the more I try in my flesh to “succeed”, but I just continue to fail without the strength of the Lord. The guilt and condemnation I feel continues to grow, enlarging the void I feel inside. My self-worth diminishes, because I no longer look to Christ for it, I look to my flesh. This is a never ending cycle in the flesh – one that can ONLY be broken and reversed through repentance and the grace of the Lord, by His Spirit.
As the enemy creates condemnation within us, we put up our old veil to “hide” from the Lord, just as Adam and Eve did in the garden. But God calls us out to us, desiring to cover us with His grace…But we must come to Him to be covered and made new and be given a new beginning.
I am now seeing how easy it was to eat while doing other things. There is no time lost (I am really good at multi-tasking), but it is only a temporary fulfillment of my flesh. The Lord is the only one/thing that can fill my void and truly satisfy me. Once again I have repented and am beginning fresh, removing my veil daily and putting the Lord first in my life. I have learned it is never about a problem with “something” (mine is food usually), it is ALWAYS about a heart condition before the Lord! When I feel the check and pull of the Spirit, I need to stop immediately and re-align myself with Him, everything else will either fall into its proper place or it will fall away. If it falls away, it never had a proper place in my heart or my life.
It’s all about the condition of the heart.