The Cycle of Unlove Must be Broken

It doesn’t matter who we are now or who we were in the past, the Lord loves us the same. It’s like we try to explain to our own children, “I love you all the same amount” or “I love you no matter what.” It breaks the Father’s heart when we rebel, but He still waits for the day of our return to Him. Just like the father in The Parable of the Lost (Prodigal) Son (Luke 15:11-32), Our Heavenly Father throws a party in heaven each time a sinner repents (Luke 15:6). When people rebel, it is more often than not because they do not feel worthy of being loved, and they try to push everyone away from them (including and especially God).

Too often we try to “get love” or “be loved” by people who are either unable to love us, unwilling to love us, or both. There are too many children out there who have parents that are unable to love them properly, because they were never loved properly themselves. They were not given or shown love by their parents; and since we cannot give what we do not have, they are unable to give it to their own children. Instead, children today are taught low to survive in a love deprived environment. No one should ever have to feel as though they are unwanted or unloved, but so many children are made to feel that way every day. Most of them never recover from it and instead continue the cycle of “unlove”.

The cycle is broken with some people, but not with others. Why? The answer is, “Jesus loves me, this I know“. The answer is not that He gives one person love and not another; He freely gives His love to everyone who is willing to accept it. The answer is that the one person accepted His love and forgiveness, and the other still feels unworthy of it and continues to reject His forgiveness and love. We can never “earn” God’s love or forgiveness through our own works, we must accept it freely and willingly through Christ in our hearts. He loves us unconditionally and righteously once we truly accept Christ as our Savior. This reality seems impossible to those who have deep scars of rejection or past hurts, but it is real and it is there for any and everyone. Christ died on the cross for you and for me, no matter who we are or what we have done…period, no exceptions.

He gives us true unconditional love, something no one else can ever give us, show us or teach us. Once we understand what this is, we can be healed of all scars, no matter how deep they run. The acceptance of His unconditional love comes with surrender. Believe it or not, the lack of acceptance of His love is a form of pride. We must surrender this image of ourselves as unlovable to Him, and allow Him to show us how He views us, perfected in Christ’s righteousness. We ourselves will never attain perfection or righteousness, but we are given Christ’s perfection and righteousness through His death on the cross. He died for you and for me, before we were ever born or committed even one sin.

For a long time I understood in my head that my own mother did the best she could to love me, and I forgave her for not loving me “enough” during my childhood. But it was only recently that I truly gave the scar created by the lack of “a mother’s love” over to the Lord to be healed and erased. Something changed in my heart one day, something I cannot explain. The only words I can use would be the “excuse” I created for my mother’s actions and choices have now become my forgiveness. Rather than my heart breaking for the injustices done to me in my childhood, my heart breaks for her hurts. We must receive and accept Christ’s love for us, so we may turn and pour it out on those who are hurting…Even those who have hurt us. Once we have accepted Christ’s forgiveness and love, the healing process begins and we are able stop the “cycle of unlove.”

The pain the “cycle of unlove” created may not immediately stop or go away, but by surrendering to Christ daily and leaving our “right to be hurt” at His feet, we are able to be healed. It is a daily processes to lay down our ‘rights’ at His feet, especially in the world we have today. But it is one that will bring peace, joy and healing into our hearts and lives. Once the scars of our past have been healed and erased, we are able to minister to others who are caught in the “cycle of unlove” and possibly help them to break it in their own life.


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